just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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