When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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