I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
