His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
