Umm I'm too high to move.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
