I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
