hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
