At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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