I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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