i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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