I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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