when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
