i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
