You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize