my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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