Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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