Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize