i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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