I faked an abortion last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
