guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
