I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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