Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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