I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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