I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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