Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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