WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
