Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
