Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
