I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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