i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
