Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
