i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
