i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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