i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize