am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
