I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
