It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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