i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
