I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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