She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize