so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
