I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
