Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
