It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
