i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize