You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
