if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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