In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
