I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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