Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize