I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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