I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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