He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
