bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's always time for handjobs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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