i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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