My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
