Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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