I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
