My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
