She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
