i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
