My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
