the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
