Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Me. At least after what I've been through.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You took a bar mat shot.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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