Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
