yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
