Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
