apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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