Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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