his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
