dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
