I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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