I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need a beard to bite.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
