In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
