The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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