Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
