I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
why do cheetos always look like penises
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
