I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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