An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
