So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
