Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
