hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
