Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
